![]() “It must be nice to see her more often,” I said. I asked about her daughter, who had recently moved back to the East Coast from Chicago. She took out an iPhone to show me pictures. ![]() Over lunch, we caught up on family news-kids, grandkids. She’s 75, a retired editor and volunteer docent. Hence the push and pull when a well-meaning offspring steps onto our turf.Īnother case in point: My friend Julia and I recently met at a local museum. We want to be cared about but fear being cared for. I nod in agreement when the son of a friend expresses concern to me about his dad driving after dark, but I also understand when my friend, his father, complains of “being badgered by my kids about my driving.” He and his children may have different answers to the situation’s key questions: How serious a problem is the father’s driving? And how capable is the father of making his own decisions? Certainly there are situations where an adult child’s intervention in the ailing parent’s life is clearly needed, but what if this isn’t one of those times?Īs parents get older, attempts to hold on to our independence can be at odds with even the most well-intentioned “suggestions” from our children. No doubt it’s because I’ve since become an aging parent that I find myself looking at the matter of parent care from a different perspective. That now strikes me as a glaring omission. Everybody, that is, except the aging parents. I also spoke with members of the helping professions: geriatricians, social workers, elder-law attorneys, administrators of assisted-living facilities, and just about anyone and everyone who I thought could shed light on the subject. I interviewed women and men across the country about their struggles and successes. ![]() Several years ago, I wrote a book aimed at helping adult children of my generation manage the many challenges of caring for our aging parents.
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